Co Pilot

I am worthy of someone willing to extend this invitation to me. There is someone out there worthy of this invitation. No hesitations, minimal fear. A mutual understanding of doing the unthinkable and exploring the infinite potentials in friendship, in companionship and in love. Let's fly.

Far East Movement
Rocketeer
Free Wired

Here we go, come with me,
There's a world out there that we should see,
Take my hand, close your eyes
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer

Let's fly, fly, fly, flyyy.
Up, up, here we go, go. [2x]
Let's fly, fly, fly, flyyy.
Up, up, here we go, go.
Where we stop nobody knows [knows],

Where we go we don't need roads [roads],
Where we stop nobody knows [knows],
To the stars if you really want it,
Got, got a jetpack with your name on it,
Above the clouds in the atmosphere [phere],
Just say the words and we outta here [outta here],
Hold my hand if you feelin' scared [scared],
We flyin' up, up outta here.

[Chorus]
Here we go, come with me,
There's a world out there that we should see,
Take my hand, close your eyes,
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer,

Let's fly, fly, fly, flyy.
Up, up here we go, go. [2x]
Let's fly, fly, fly, flyy.
Up, up here we go, go. [Here we go]
Where we stop nobody knows [knows],

Baby we can stay fly like a G6,
Shop the streets of Tokyo get your fly kicks,

Girl you always on my mind,
Got my head up in the sky,
And I'm never looking down feelin' priceless, yeah,
Where we at, only few have known
Go on the next level, Super Mario
I hope this works out, Cardio,
Til' then let's fly, Geronimo.

[Chorus]
Here we go, come with me,
There's a world out there that we should see,
Take my hand, close your eyes,
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer,

Let's fly, [Yo]
Nah I never been in space before,
But I never seen a face like yours,
You make me feel like I could touch the planets,
You want the moon, girl watch me grab it,
See I never seen the stars this close,
You got me stuck off the way you glow,
I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh,

[Chorus]
Here we go, Come with me,
There's a world out there that we should see,
Take my hand, close your eyes,
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer,
Let's fly, fly, fly, flyy.
Up, up here we go, go. [2x]
Let's fly, fly, fly, flyy.
Up, up here we go, go. [2x]
Where we stop nobody knows, knows, knows.

A Cure?

Maxwell
CocoCure (alternate lyrics)
Embrya

Each part of me you rectified
Cause each part of we you compromised
Each kiss you give the other guy
Is a kiss on his lips that once was mine
Pardon me, I´m out my soul
I resonate the love that´s owed
You´ll have your way just because
You hold me down, I´ll be above

Chorus:
I found a cure for this...
(Sho´nuff)
Cococure for this...baby you got me
It´s got me plushed on some luxurious
Cococure...

I´ll marinate in my disgust
You walk away and talk that stuff
You think you feel but never touch
You think it´s hard to wait, seems tough
Oh, you stop to think, to seek control

Chorus

Alter(ed) Ego - a disjointed reflection

this experience is transforming me. the feeling resembles being broken down and then stepped over. I have often discovered, lost, then rediscovered my powers, but will I use them for good or for evil? I am numb and I have no idea of my limits. I know my weaknesses and some of my strengths.

I walk the earth as if everything I encounter is foreign to me. Like I'm not from this world. I am a foreigner. A refugee possibly from a time and place where there is no time, where love is limitless, where the words pain and fear do not exist.

my burden is to wander about learning lessons and attempting to teach. my blessing is understanding the cloth i am cut from. coming to know the depth of my gifts and their purpose.

to use these gifts to impart joy to and comprehend humanity.

how do i do this?

will i have to do this on my own?

the duality of my power and my fear of it keeps me from flying high.

emotionally grounded.

Stronger Than Pride

30 luglio 2011 8:45am

About 39,000 feet above Nice, France 4 hours outside of Rome, Italy

How does the beginning of the song go? "I won't pretend, that I intend to stop living.
I won't pretend I'm good at forgiving, but I can't hate you. Although I have tried. I still really really love you." That's it right?

That is one of the elements of heartbreak. Loving and then hating. Trying to hate more because of your pain, but love winning because in the end we are all born out of love and it really does win.

The walking through it however tends to be a test of your will and faith. You move through your day to day doing your level best to "live", but you really just want the world how you are experiencing it to end. The breaths you take begin to feel like a chore and the notion of having to endure another moment of wandering as you carry the heavy yet hollow feeling of love loss is too much. I have to admit that my world ending has often times lately been more of a solace. Just to stop the wounds from stinging, the voices from telling me I'm unworthy and unlovable, and the memories from flashing. I can't allow it to end though. I am starting to understand how much of a fighter I really am. So I keep fighting.

My ideas about love, what it is, what it means to me and what I want/need for it to be have matured with every relationship. First, I just wanted to be with somebody. Love was new, so it was cute and endearing. Next I had to learn about the giving and taking that takes place in a relationship and about fidelity. Then came the lessons about trust, communication, manipulation, disappointment...real intimacy.

I am learning a new love lesson now. How to love me. I honestly have no clue how to do this. What I believed loving myself to be was actually me being selfish and letting fear take over. What I do know, is that I have to surround myself with people who are willing to celebrate me...with me.

As we start to descend into Rome I think of many things. The person whom I still call the love of my life, although he may or may not feel the same. About the opportunity I'm realizing I have been given to rebuild with the pieces I have. Just glimpses into creating the extraordinary life I so often dream of.

The humility and spirit that love engenders is so much more powerful than my pain will ever be. May that spirit reign as I begin a celebration of who I am and who I am becoming.

Ciao,

-sb

UnderstandIng

I get it and then I don't.
You care, but then you change your mind
I'm everything you need, but run away from
Your speak to me is lyrical, and in the end just empty words

I am beautiful to you, yet you don't see how gorgeous I truly am
You say that you're busy, when really you're deliberately occupied
I would lay my life down for you, but you'd walk around me to get across
You let me be close to you, only to see if you could. There was no surrender.

I miss you is a relative term not heartfelt
You say you love me when I ask, but not because of inspiration

I am your friend, but can you treat me like I am yours?
You said,"let's work it out." were you talking to me? Or him?

How long was the performance going to last?

Why is that you don't want to tell me to go, and can never ask me to stay?

In spite of it all why do I believe in for better or worse?

Is it fair that you get a new life and a possible new love, while I pick up pieces from our life and the love you let go of?

I understand the lesson in learning to love me. My pain blocks me from understanding the lesson in loving you.

...but I still do. help me understand.

To Hell With It

After all has been said and done. It's been often lately where I've felt that I should have just gone ahead and stepped outside of my relationship to get all of the things I was needing. The attention. The adoration. The respect. The emotional and physical intimacy. By "step" I mean allowing myself to get to a point where I was vulnerable and open to the idea of something better than what was going on at home. Something new. Something easy. A distraction. An easy out instead of doing the work. Ironically painful however is the fact that I am not the one who stepped out. Maybe it was easier to believe that I was doing the things they felt I was "probably"'doing. Is murder really excusable even when it's self defense? It's still murder.

Teedra, sing the song

-sb

To Hell With It
Teedra Moses
Luxurious Undergrind

[Intro]
This is for you,
Ever so sincerely,
The young lioness

[Verse 1]
All I really ever wanted was, some kind of love and understanding, silly of me to think you would be the one digging me, you were my everything now we're here

[Chorus]
I just said to hell with love, I'mma go out and have some fun, instead of waiting on for you to act right, while you were doing yours I was doing mine, aww to hell with it

[Verse 2]
Wrote you letters, wrote you songs, the thing boy just to let you know what I felt inside, was heartbreak (heartbreak), but you didn't even care (no), your around here with other girls, I wouldn't do you that way, so I'mma tell you straight, I met him on a Monday by Friday we were talking like everyday, and damn he was so fine, cool as hell, conversation great, it took a little while before I even let him near enough to hold me close, but when I did, I didn't want him to let me go, that's why

[Chorus]
I just said to hell with love, I'mma go out and have some fun, all I really wanted was wanted was you and I, instead of waiting on for you to act right, while you were doing yours I was doing mine, aww to hell with it

[Bridge]
Every bird got wings to fly, bet you never thought your sweet baby girl would ever try, baby don't know why you lied and I saw all the things, things that you did, that's why

[Chorus]
I just said to hell with love(I said to hell with it), I'mma go out and have some fun(I'mma go out and tear it up), instead of waiting on for you to act right ( I ain't waiting, I ain't waiting,I ain't waiting on a *!#%* no more), I was out with him because you were out with her, aww to hell with it

[Outro]
Who's making love to your old lady, while you were out making love,
Tell me who's making love to your old lady, while your out making love

daydreams and nightmares

I am sitting here imagining that the last month has not happened. That, I'm not heartbroken. That I didn't subconsciously leave my self worth in someone's hands for them to let it go in the end and me without it. It was just a bad dream. A nightmare. It is a nightmare. The worst of it right now is the feeling that I was alone in love...it's a hard feeling to shake, but it's there. Maybe I wasn't. Right now I don't know. I'm still in my fairytale of everything being alright. I can't move from my spot in front of the door, waiting for it to open, and him walking through it. He was supposed to be the last leave.

-sb

should have said....

I love you.
that I need you.
I don't want to lose you.
that I am afraid.
I have faith in you.
that I see you.
I want you to know me.
that you are beautiful to me.
I can protect you.
that we are better than this.
I have love strong enough for the two of us.
that I am human, please see me.
should have said, I am peace with you.
should have said, that I crave the closeness between us.
should have said, I want your love in the same strength as mine.
should have said, that our love is in danger.
should have said, I want us to fall in love again.
should have said, that I don't want you to leave.
should have said, I want us to fight for it together
should have said that, before you left me.

Been too long...

Morning,

My posts haven't been frequent because life had some things to show me and prepare me for.

I know being busy is NO excuse, but it was necessary and now that summer is officially upon us, it's time to get back to living. I miss you and I'll be back soon. Love you all.

Philia

-SB