Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Greetings!
It's been a while, but I haven't gone far. I just had some life I needed to live for a minute. I'll be in touch soon. As always, I'd no one has told you...I love you.
Monday, May 17, 2010
love's letter
my loving soul,
there are centuries of faith and love between us.
the ties that keep us bound know no limit.
exulting joy has endured even our most tragic pain.
there is never talk of forever, but of each moment lived.
over many lifetimes our souls have crossed paths. Learning, sharing,and loving out loud.
the universe's greatest gift? time that inspires the pleasures our souls find in each other.
Souls mated. committed. protected. loved.
in deepest love,
your soul
there are centuries of faith and love between us.
the ties that keep us bound know no limit.
exulting joy has endured even our most tragic pain.
there is never talk of forever, but of each moment lived.
over many lifetimes our souls have crossed paths. Learning, sharing,and loving out loud.
the universe's greatest gift? time that inspires the pleasures our souls find in each other.
Souls mated. committed. protected. loved.
in deepest love,
your soul
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Distance
Although it is often times the last thing on my mind lately, the thought of love is bittersweet for me. Not in the sense that I don't believe or hope in love. Love is just a puzzle that I've tried to figure out but hadn't been able until I lost a love that was important to me. If it was important then why did I lose it is the question I hear you all asking right? Well, I didn't love myself and I didn't know how to receive and give love.
The obvious is hard to ignore, but we still try. The obvious being that life does (and has) go on. After all is said and done there may be moments when you have to push and sometimes fight through the dark pain and emotions to get to the lessons in everything. Although you may think you've moved passed it and might be..."ready" you never know for sure until you give it a real try. Afterwards, you may discover that a step back is needed.
What is infinitely more obvious overall however, is that love never changes. It is always our ideas, fears, expectations, misjudgements, actions and inactions, and control issues that seem to dictate our ideas on love.
Love was easier when we were young, and we didn't know what heartbreak was. Love was love, in all of its perfect God given beauty. I am coming back in that place. That's the sweet of it. Only time and distance will tell for sure.
Love you,
SB
Distance
Choices made. Pondered over
Little need for explanation of
Healing's time and constant wonder
A pause and stop
Our ebbs and flows
Leave traces hints at best of a
Rhythm born new
Seen finally by our naked eyes
Whats unrequited and without pride?
Nothing festered nor boiling over
The bitten lip to the cautious smile
Gives way to guards let down unexpected surprise
Into comfortable unknowns along separate paths
Distanced yet close
Love's end undisclosed
The obvious is hard to ignore, but we still try. The obvious being that life does (and has) go on. After all is said and done there may be moments when you have to push and sometimes fight through the dark pain and emotions to get to the lessons in everything. Although you may think you've moved passed it and might be..."ready" you never know for sure until you give it a real try. Afterwards, you may discover that a step back is needed.
What is infinitely more obvious overall however, is that love never changes. It is always our ideas, fears, expectations, misjudgements, actions and inactions, and control issues that seem to dictate our ideas on love.
Love was easier when we were young, and we didn't know what heartbreak was. Love was love, in all of its perfect God given beauty. I am coming back in that place. That's the sweet of it. Only time and distance will tell for sure.
Love you,
SB
Distance
Choices made. Pondered over
Little need for explanation of
Healing's time and constant wonder
A pause and stop
Our ebbs and flows
Leave traces hints at best of a
Rhythm born new
Seen finally by our naked eyes
Whats unrequited and without pride?
Nothing festered nor boiling over
The bitten lip to the cautious smile
Gives way to guards let down unexpected surprise
Into comfortable unknowns along separate paths
Distanced yet close
Love's end undisclosed
Monday, May 10, 2010
midnight innuendo
fetishes. fantasies.
spoken only between you and me
back and forth. pushed. pulled.
giving or taking. no one will ever guess for sure.
the silent moans your eyes make.
my surrender to your touch.
our lips tease and dance. rhythmically carrying on a conversation.
conversing in the language created in our bubble
always an undiscovered country
patience making each experience new
thoughts of you clinch my womb
memories of me make your insides dance
tastes of black licorice on my mustache
vanilla and sandalwood on our sheets
we inhale our smoke
potent. natural. organic.
a high worthy of addiction
spoken only between you and me
back and forth. pushed. pulled.
giving or taking. no one will ever guess for sure.
the silent moans your eyes make.
my surrender to your touch.
our lips tease and dance. rhythmically carrying on a conversation.
conversing in the language created in our bubble
always an undiscovered country
patience making each experience new
thoughts of you clinch my womb
memories of me make your insides dance
tastes of black licorice on my mustache
vanilla and sandalwood on our sheets
we inhale our smoke
potent. natural. organic.
a high worthy of addiction
Friday, May 7, 2010
Maternal Instinct
Mother's Day for the last 10 years has been bittersweet for me. I am blessed and thankful to have "mothers" who have taken me in and loved me as their own over the years, but there is never a substitute for the love of your own mother.
She may never read this, or hear me clearly when I say it, but Mom I love you.
Take care of your mother if you have her in your life.
Love you,
SB
She may never read this, or hear me clearly when I say it, but Mom I love you.
Take care of your mother if you have her in your life.
Love you,
SB
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Sing My Life: If Tomorrow Never Comes
It's an old idea, but it's true. Tell the people you care about that you love them as often as possible. Not only because it's the right thing to do, but because it's how you feel and you don't know when circumstances will take the opportunity from you. This song was originally recorded by Garth Brooks and then remade by the R&B group Joose.
If Tomorrow Never Comes
Lyrics: Kent Blazy & Garth Brooks
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart
(chorus)
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
She must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who'll never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
*chorus*
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
If Tomorrow Never Comes
Lyrics: Kent Blazy & Garth Brooks
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart
(chorus)
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
She must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who'll never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
*chorus*
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
Friday, April 23, 2010
The Sexy Beast's Friday Top 5
Daily, we try and cram as much as possible into our "8 hour days" in a sometimes hopeless attempt at staying current on news, events, the latest music, what to do, who to see, where to go, and with technology giving us access to all of these things with the click of a mouse, you would think it would be easy. Unfortunately, the world moves faster than technology and there is inevitably something that we miss.
So, here is my Friday Top Five of some things you should get into. There's a song, a place to go, a place to grab a bite and couple of other things I think you'll like. Have a fantastic weekend! Love you!
-SB
1. V.V. Brown - Shark in the Water Taken from the Northhampton, England native's summer 2009 release Traveling Like the Light, this is funky retro pop tune that will get your spring/summer vibe going.
http://www.vvbrown.com
2. National Gallery of Art Sculpture Garden - Now that the weather is breaking, get those toes done, break out those sandals, and go walk around, eat lunch or sit at the fountain in the center of this beautiful garden. The Jazz in the Garden Series begins May 28
http://www.nga.gov/programs/jazz/
3. Ping Pong - If you like Dim Sum and then some (I know that was corny as hell but I couldn't resist) check out the international chains lastest location in the Gallery Place section of DC. Cool decor, delicious and reasonably priced cocktails, and friendly staff lend itself to being the perfect place for a group happy hour or even a date with yourself.
http://www.pingpongdimsum.us/
4. Everything I'm Not, Made Me Everything I Am, Jeff Johnson - This roadmap of sorts to "discovering your personal best" is chock full of personal life lessons and realistic ideas on how to become the best you that you can.
http://www.jeffsnation.com/
and finally...
5. Shoba Ohal Handmade Jewlry - Combining her East Indian heritage with her love of metalsmithing and crafting. These say something nice pieces are simple, stylish and eye catching.
http://www.shobhaohal.com/Shobha_Ohal/Home.html
So, here is my Friday Top Five of some things you should get into. There's a song, a place to go, a place to grab a bite and couple of other things I think you'll like. Have a fantastic weekend! Love you!
-SB
1. V.V. Brown - Shark in the Water Taken from the Northhampton, England native's summer 2009 release Traveling Like the Light, this is funky retro pop tune that will get your spring/summer vibe going.
http://www.vvbrown.com
2. National Gallery of Art Sculpture Garden - Now that the weather is breaking, get those toes done, break out those sandals, and go walk around, eat lunch or sit at the fountain in the center of this beautiful garden. The Jazz in the Garden Series begins May 28
http://www.nga.gov/programs/jazz/
3. Ping Pong - If you like Dim Sum and then some (I know that was corny as hell but I couldn't resist) check out the international chains lastest location in the Gallery Place section of DC. Cool decor, delicious and reasonably priced cocktails, and friendly staff lend itself to being the perfect place for a group happy hour or even a date with yourself.
http://www.pingpongdimsum.us/
4. Everything I'm Not, Made Me Everything I Am, Jeff Johnson - This roadmap of sorts to "discovering your personal best" is chock full of personal life lessons and realistic ideas on how to become the best you that you can.
http://www.jeffsnation.com/
and finally...
5. Shoba Ohal Handmade Jewlry - Combining her East Indian heritage with her love of metalsmithing and crafting. These say something nice pieces are simple, stylish and eye catching.
http://www.shobhaohal.com/Shobha_Ohal/Home.html
Monday, April 19, 2010
(Un)spoken Word(s)
the smile you gave me
your talents passed down...
don't account for you being a stranger to me
am I your enemy because I told you the truth?
or because it was my truth not based on yours?
you remind me of who you are to me,
but choose to not respect who I am
who exactly are you to me now?
I would rather you keep your distance,
than put me though the agony of reminding me of your pain
you forget or don't care that I have pain
my apologies fall on deaf ears
my sin will remain the burden I carry
you love me, you love me not
you play the victim well
our choices to live in our truth leave us divided
the disappointment I never expected, the price I paid for the truth
the silence is our closure
your talents passed down...
don't account for you being a stranger to me
am I your enemy because I told you the truth?
or because it was my truth not based on yours?
you remind me of who you are to me,
but choose to not respect who I am
who exactly are you to me now?
I would rather you keep your distance,
than put me though the agony of reminding me of your pain
you forget or don't care that I have pain
my apologies fall on deaf ears
my sin will remain the burden I carry
you love me, you love me not
you play the victim well
our choices to live in our truth leave us divided
the disappointment I never expected, the price I paid for the truth
the silence is our closure
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Invitation
This is a reflection about voyeurism...not of only the sexual kind but the kind where you just watch life take place. Sometimes we invite people to "watch" us knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. Often times I think we catch ourselves watching in secret. I find it gratifying to see someone enjoying themself and enjoying life. What would someone see if you extended and invitation for them to watch?
I hear the music playing where you are.
I feel the warmth of the candles and inhale the scent of the stick's burning ashes
I know the rhythm you make as you move to the melody
you've chosen this moment to let go. to dance as if no one is watching,
but still crave the eyes of your personal voyeur
you step naked into the smoke made by incense's fire
it touches you, it caresses you, it holds firmly, it guides you down
you release yourself to it....just for this moment
if not to hope, at least to remember
enveloped by the smoke's kiss he fondles and begins to probe
he gently yet powerfully moves to penetrate your soul
at last you give in and ecstasy becomes your pilot
it moves you, takes you, frees you and satisfies the want,
the need.
it nibbles and licks. teases and tickles. takes away the fear and confusion.
releases the love, the hate, and anger that you believed you could do nothing with.
my apologies. I have only been standing here a moment....maybe a lifetime.
your door was unlocked and rather than indulging myself in your pleasure
I chose for now to watch your climax in joy, in freedom, in love.
I hear the music playing where you are.
I feel the warmth of the candles and inhale the scent of the stick's burning ashes
I know the rhythm you make as you move to the melody
you've chosen this moment to let go. to dance as if no one is watching,
but still crave the eyes of your personal voyeur
you step naked into the smoke made by incense's fire
it touches you, it caresses you, it holds firmly, it guides you down
you release yourself to it....just for this moment
if not to hope, at least to remember
enveloped by the smoke's kiss he fondles and begins to probe
he gently yet powerfully moves to penetrate your soul
at last you give in and ecstasy becomes your pilot
it moves you, takes you, frees you and satisfies the want,
the need.
it nibbles and licks. teases and tickles. takes away the fear and confusion.
releases the love, the hate, and anger that you believed you could do nothing with.
my apologies. I have only been standing here a moment....maybe a lifetime.
your door was unlocked and rather than indulging myself in your pleasure
I chose for now to watch your climax in joy, in freedom, in love.
The Road (One) Less Traveled
So here I am again. I am living in a different spirit. I am still in reflection, but I'm not judging and beating myself down anymore. I am just learning more about who I am and why. Coming to accept the many things that make me who I am and walking head up, face forward as a new man. Well not a new man, but the man inside me that has been trying to make his presence known.
Who is this man? I am hoping that you'll be able to share the highlights of this part of my experience to see for yourself. All of the wonderful things I've learned that life has to offer; my inspirations, my dreams, my ideas, my reflections and perception on the wonders of what is and will be my life as I see it.
For a moment, I questioned who I am. I allowed other's feelings about me and my experiences with them, hurt that I've caused, and damage from my past (that tried to creep into my present) to hinder me from growing into this man that I see myself as. It is an ongoing process of honestly searching my heart, being in vigilant prayer to my Father, and often times lately just letting out my deepest emotions through tears and letting the hurt go. It is a journey.
I am traveling down a road that will lead to my joy, my success, a beautiful family, and another chapter in the best part of my life. Although in the back of my heart and mind the hurt lingers slightly and at times I have moments where I don't let my faith and instincts lead me. I am nonetheless determined to move forward. To continue down the road I was traveling before I took a bit of a detour. Well, it wasn't a detour so much as it was that I invited someone to travel with me who thought they would give it a try.
When they decided to leave my company rather abruptly it seemed, I had to sit on the side road for a minute and figure out what happened. As things were passing me by on the road I was asking myself questions like: What did I do wrong? Did I abuse the trust we were trying to build? Was I not being honest about who I was, where I was at in my life, and my intentions? Did I not try to show the appropriate love? Did I in anyway neglect his soul and spirit? Was I open and available to let whatever would happen take place?
After talking with them, the answer to the first question...no, I didn't do anything wrong. The answer to the other questions...yes. Real simply: they aren't ready to travel with me. They are not in the frame of mind to be totally concerned about who I am and provide the same level of love and protection to my soul and spirit that I am for theirs. In this part of my journey I have learned that hurt does not immediately go away. You have to LET it go away. It's a price I had to pay.
So today, I can adjust the focus to me and get back on that road. There are not enough words to describe how much I miss my travel companion, but I truly respect their journey and the road they need to travel. However, I have to respect mine, more. If you love somthing set it free right? If it was yours to begin with it will come back to you.
Hopefully we'll travel together again. Who knows if that's even meant to be? Who really knows what's meant to be until we come across it and take it in right? I can't dwell on what will be when I need to concern myself with the present. I am happy taking just myself and this man I have found dorment in my soul along with me for now. In all of the highs and lows that I have experienced up to now, I am better for it, and will continue to be better.
"I am not now what I was yesterday. I am not now what I shall be tomorrow. So you do yourself an injustice to judge me by yesterday, when I have moved on." - from The Mastas by Freddie Foxxx featuring M.O.P.
Who is this man? I am hoping that you'll be able to share the highlights of this part of my experience to see for yourself. All of the wonderful things I've learned that life has to offer; my inspirations, my dreams, my ideas, my reflections and perception on the wonders of what is and will be my life as I see it.
For a moment, I questioned who I am. I allowed other's feelings about me and my experiences with them, hurt that I've caused, and damage from my past (that tried to creep into my present) to hinder me from growing into this man that I see myself as. It is an ongoing process of honestly searching my heart, being in vigilant prayer to my Father, and often times lately just letting out my deepest emotions through tears and letting the hurt go. It is a journey.
I am traveling down a road that will lead to my joy, my success, a beautiful family, and another chapter in the best part of my life. Although in the back of my heart and mind the hurt lingers slightly and at times I have moments where I don't let my faith and instincts lead me. I am nonetheless determined to move forward. To continue down the road I was traveling before I took a bit of a detour. Well, it wasn't a detour so much as it was that I invited someone to travel with me who thought they would give it a try.
When they decided to leave my company rather abruptly it seemed, I had to sit on the side road for a minute and figure out what happened. As things were passing me by on the road I was asking myself questions like: What did I do wrong? Did I abuse the trust we were trying to build? Was I not being honest about who I was, where I was at in my life, and my intentions? Did I not try to show the appropriate love? Did I in anyway neglect his soul and spirit? Was I open and available to let whatever would happen take place?
After talking with them, the answer to the first question...no, I didn't do anything wrong. The answer to the other questions...yes. Real simply: they aren't ready to travel with me. They are not in the frame of mind to be totally concerned about who I am and provide the same level of love and protection to my soul and spirit that I am for theirs. In this part of my journey I have learned that hurt does not immediately go away. You have to LET it go away. It's a price I had to pay.
So today, I can adjust the focus to me and get back on that road. There are not enough words to describe how much I miss my travel companion, but I truly respect their journey and the road they need to travel. However, I have to respect mine, more. If you love somthing set it free right? If it was yours to begin with it will come back to you.
Hopefully we'll travel together again. Who knows if that's even meant to be? Who really knows what's meant to be until we come across it and take it in right? I can't dwell on what will be when I need to concern myself with the present. I am happy taking just myself and this man I have found dorment in my soul along with me for now. In all of the highs and lows that I have experienced up to now, I am better for it, and will continue to be better.
"I am not now what I was yesterday. I am not now what I shall be tomorrow. So you do yourself an injustice to judge me by yesterday, when I have moved on." - from The Mastas by Freddie Foxxx featuring M.O.P.
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