UnderstandIng

I get it and then I don't.
You care, but then you change your mind
I'm everything you need, but run away from
Your speak to me is lyrical, and in the end just empty words

I am beautiful to you, yet you don't see how gorgeous I truly am
You say that you're busy, when really you're deliberately occupied
I would lay my life down for you, but you'd walk around me to get across
You let me be close to you, only to see if you could. There was no surrender.

I miss you is a relative term not heartfelt
You say you love me when I ask, but not because of inspiration

I am your friend, but can you treat me like I am yours?
You said,"let's work it out." were you talking to me? Or him?

How long was the performance going to last?

Why is that you don't want to tell me to go, and can never ask me to stay?

In spite of it all why do I believe in for better or worse?

Is it fair that you get a new life and a possible new love, while I pick up pieces from our life and the love you let go of?

I understand the lesson in learning to love me. My pain blocks me from understanding the lesson in loving you.

...but I still do. help me understand.

To Hell With It

After all has been said and done. It's been often lately where I've felt that I should have just gone ahead and stepped outside of my relationship to get all of the things I was needing. The attention. The adoration. The respect. The emotional and physical intimacy. By "step" I mean allowing myself to get to a point where I was vulnerable and open to the idea of something better than what was going on at home. Something new. Something easy. A distraction. An easy out instead of doing the work. Ironically painful however is the fact that I am not the one who stepped out. Maybe it was easier to believe that I was doing the things they felt I was "probably"'doing. Is murder really excusable even when it's self defense? It's still murder.

Teedra, sing the song

-sb

To Hell With It
Teedra Moses
Luxurious Undergrind

[Intro]
This is for you,
Ever so sincerely,
The young lioness

[Verse 1]
All I really ever wanted was, some kind of love and understanding, silly of me to think you would be the one digging me, you were my everything now we're here

[Chorus]
I just said to hell with love, I'mma go out and have some fun, instead of waiting on for you to act right, while you were doing yours I was doing mine, aww to hell with it

[Verse 2]
Wrote you letters, wrote you songs, the thing boy just to let you know what I felt inside, was heartbreak (heartbreak), but you didn't even care (no), your around here with other girls, I wouldn't do you that way, so I'mma tell you straight, I met him on a Monday by Friday we were talking like everyday, and damn he was so fine, cool as hell, conversation great, it took a little while before I even let him near enough to hold me close, but when I did, I didn't want him to let me go, that's why

[Chorus]
I just said to hell with love, I'mma go out and have some fun, all I really wanted was wanted was you and I, instead of waiting on for you to act right, while you were doing yours I was doing mine, aww to hell with it

[Bridge]
Every bird got wings to fly, bet you never thought your sweet baby girl would ever try, baby don't know why you lied and I saw all the things, things that you did, that's why

[Chorus]
I just said to hell with love(I said to hell with it), I'mma go out and have some fun(I'mma go out and tear it up), instead of waiting on for you to act right ( I ain't waiting, I ain't waiting,I ain't waiting on a *!#%* no more), I was out with him because you were out with her, aww to hell with it

[Outro]
Who's making love to your old lady, while you were out making love,
Tell me who's making love to your old lady, while your out making love

daydreams and nightmares

I am sitting here imagining that the last month has not happened. That, I'm not heartbroken. That I didn't subconsciously leave my self worth in someone's hands for them to let it go in the end and me without it. It was just a bad dream. A nightmare. It is a nightmare. The worst of it right now is the feeling that I was alone in love...it's a hard feeling to shake, but it's there. Maybe I wasn't. Right now I don't know. I'm still in my fairytale of everything being alright. I can't move from my spot in front of the door, waiting for it to open, and him walking through it. He was supposed to be the last leave.

-sb

should have said....

I love you.
that I need you.
I don't want to lose you.
that I am afraid.
I have faith in you.
that I see you.
I want you to know me.
that you are beautiful to me.
I can protect you.
that we are better than this.
I have love strong enough for the two of us.
that I am human, please see me.
should have said, I am peace with you.
should have said, that I crave the closeness between us.
should have said, I want your love in the same strength as mine.
should have said, that our love is in danger.
should have said, I want us to fall in love again.
should have said, that I don't want you to leave.
should have said, I want us to fight for it together
should have said that, before you left me.