Love In My Mind

The love songs I sing are fantastical musings
about what life could be if we swept each other off our feet to the moon and basked weightlessly, unbound, and free in our favorite time of the day.

Yes. A hopeless romantic to the end.

See? I have this romantic notion...an idealistic thought if you will...or maybe just a silly idea that the depths of what we call our love be displayed as if it were fine art.

Agreed. A funny romantic notion.

Lately my daydreams have become reminisces and fantasies of repeats, do overs, and please lets do it agains of my vision. Our vision. Our existing deeply in love on a spiritual plane.

The motive behind the thoughts of how I access your mind, body, and soul reside outside the obvious walls in the boxes of lust, conquest, and physical consummation you've known.

My intentions are intricately crafted from moments in love, partnership, desire, the spirit and the need to make love to you from (inside your) head to (outside your) toes.

...but again, this is just a fantastically amusing, sentimentally idealistic, wandering reminisce of living free if love where we lived had really won and all were invited to celebrate how love hoped, believed, endured, and didn't fail. 

..

Senti.Mentally Me

I wish I could be more like my mind.
Things appear and flow so clearly, so fluidly in my mind.
I have a BEAUTIFUL mind!
My mind lives and sees in vivid color.

My mind anticipates what people think and says what others are afraid to vocalize.
My mind is conscientious and aware.
It never gets tongue tied or shy.
It speaks the languages of love and intimacy fluently.
It's unafraid.

My mind is confident and powerful.
My mind is well rounded.
My mind can sing a song and create a dance that would make the Muses envious.
It knows the Word and talks to God as if they grew up together.
INCREDIBLE my mind is!

My mind knows the simplistic power of the phrases "thank you" and "I love you"
My mind knows what to say at just the right time.
My mind knows how to be heard in a crowd.
How to relish the silence.

My mind is mine.

My mind is in me.  

Gifts In A Man

Allow me to share my gifts with you….

Service: "The special ability that God gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to identify the unmet needs involved in a task related to God’s work, and to make use of available resources to meet those needs and help accomplish the desired results."
This gift is a practical gift. Those with the gift of service enjoy doing routine tasks around the church regardless of how they affect others. Those with this gift enjoy menial tasks and do them cheerfully. Service-oriented people would rather take orders than give them. John 12:26; Acts 6:1-7; Romans 12:6-7; Galatians 6:2, 9-10; 2 Timothy 1:16-18; Titus 3:14.

Hospitality: "The special ability that God gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to provide an open house and a warm welcome to those in need of food and lodging."
This gift is a practical gift. Those with this gift have an acute awareness of visitors and have a desire to make all people feel welcome. People with this gift enjoy visitors in their home, and are usually not bothered if someone stops by and their home is not spotless. Those with this gift are a key to helping new people become a part of the group. Acts 16:14-15; Romans 12:9-13; 16:23; Hebrews 13:1-2; 1 Peter 4:9.

Administration: "The special ability that God gives to certain members of the body of Christ to understand clearly the immediate and long-range goals of a particular unit of the body of Christ and to devise and execute effective plans for the accomplishment of those goals."
This gift is a leadership gift and is often characterized by people who lead the body by steering others to remain on task. These people generally are concerned with the details of how to accomplish tasks, and tend to be masters at delegating specific tasks to other people according to their gifts and talents. Luke 14:28-30; Acts 6:1-7; 1 Corinthians 12:28; Titus 1:5.

Leadership: "The special ability that God gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to set goals in accordance with God’s purpose for the future and to communicate these goals to others in such a way that they voluntarily and harmoniously work together to accomplish those goals for the glory of God."
This gift is a leadership gift. People with this gift are often focused on the greater goal of the group and are not overly concerned with the details. Leaders delegate tasks and details to others to accomplish the greater goal. Leaders are visionaries. Leaders have followers-a visionary without followers is not a leader. Luke 9:51; Acts 6:1-7; 15:7-11; Romans 12:8; 1 Timothy 5:17; Hebrews 13:17

Faith: "The special ability that God gives certain members of the Body of Christ to discern with extraordinary confidence the will and purposes of God for His work."
This gift is a practical gift. Those with this gift often scare other people with their confidence. People with this gift are often very irritated by criticism, as they consider it to be criticism against God and His will. Probably the biggest danger for those with this gift is that they often try to project their gift onto other people. Acts 11:22-24; 27:21-25; Romans 4:18-21; 1 Corinthians 12:9; Hebrews 11

...go to commercial

I feel at a loss sometimes to describe what...I hate calling him my ex. That isn't an appropriate word and for me it doesn't do what I thought he and I had justice. Nor does the word ex clearly convey how I feel about him. Let's just call him C.B. Ok! I am at a loss sometimes to describe what C.B. and I went through during the time we were together. I do know that there were cycles of pain we were both experiencing in our lives and being together (and not really dealing with and exorcising our demons individually and with each other)intensified the pain on many levels. When it was good...it was very good I thought and now that it has ended, I just have so many questions. Incidentally friends, acquaintances, and old friends/dates of his have found it necessary to update me on what I guess they presume to be going on with him. Seriously though, I don't talk about it anymore because all of the things I want/need to say I would prefer to say to him. What's ironic is that most of the things I'm told I knew and others at this point don't matter because what's done is done. He has also invented or created if you will a new life and experience for himself. One he seemed to be working on during our last days (God bless!). The whole of the situation is incredibly tragic at times because it's like that part of my life has been reduce to some pathetic bad black SGL (same gender loving) reality show. Yet, we watch anyway and pick apart, cackle, and two snaps up the lives of people we really don't know. The fades to black leave us to judge the outcome, and we have no problem with jumping at the opportunity. What really goes on behind the scenes though is the complexly intricate and layered interaction between human beings doing their best to make change out of a penny. That's what I feel like he and I were at times. All these story lines happening simultaneously that we only seemed to be living out in snippets with each other. So there is never any continuity. You get to what you think is the good part and then...scene change! Or..."Commercial!"(in my best Ruby Rod voice). Every episode introduces new characters, plot changes, twists and turns and you never see a fully realized plot. It's fucking exhausting to watch until eventually the cast is changed and the show? Canceled. What a way to milk a damn metaphor right? I guess my point, is that I don't feel like C.B. and I were in the same place...possibly ever. Its like we were in the same relationship, but experiencing it in two very distinct and separate ways. The heart breaking part part for me, is that we shared a home and I came to set and found out I had been replaced. By what, whom, or why even? I'm not too sure, but it's clear that I was no longer needed or wanted. I move through it day to day. Some days of course are better than others, but again I am at a loss when it comes to about it. I got nothin'! Thank God and the Universe for family, friends, my spirituality, and the God given ability I have to be introspective and intuitive. An ability that I have taken for granted, but an ability that has saved me and inculcated in me the many lessons I learned in loving C.B. I believe that it will only get better. Love you! -SB

You. Me. Hindsight

In hindsight... I knew you didn't love me when you came to bed and said you were cold, when I was there to keep you warm. When I broke down and said that you didn't like me. I knew was right. I let my emotions get the best of me, but I knew I want crazy. I took on your shit and stopped loving who I am. When the first reasons for wanting to be with me weren't "because I love you and I want to be with you." That should have been a sign. When we were done and you said ,"How's that for being desired?" It was definitely more of an effort than desire. I should have let you break up with me when you said you needed time and space. Letting me make love to you was just an experiment for you...not love. I should have challenged you more. I know that you didn't love me as much as I loved you. I knew you were having conversations about y(our) future with everyone but me. You should have been man enough to say that you didn't want to be with me...before we lived together. Maybe you were playing a game because you had no place to go. You had no intentions on telling me til you were far enough away. Antagonist was passive aggressive. You gave it your best try, but love is not unsure. Although I tried to make our home feel like yours, I feel as though you would've preferred I not have been there. I never imagined I could hate another human being, but I hate you.

Co Pilot

I am worthy of someone willing to extend this invitation to me. There is someone out there worthy of this invitation. No hesitations, minimal fear. A mutual understanding of doing the unthinkable and exploring the infinite potentials in friendship, in companionship and in love. Let's fly.

Far East Movement
Rocketeer
Free Wired

Here we go, come with me,
There's a world out there that we should see,
Take my hand, close your eyes
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer

Let's fly, fly, fly, flyyy.
Up, up, here we go, go. [2x]
Let's fly, fly, fly, flyyy.
Up, up, here we go, go.
Where we stop nobody knows [knows],

Where we go we don't need roads [roads],
Where we stop nobody knows [knows],
To the stars if you really want it,
Got, got a jetpack with your name on it,
Above the clouds in the atmosphere [phere],
Just say the words and we outta here [outta here],
Hold my hand if you feelin' scared [scared],
We flyin' up, up outta here.

[Chorus]
Here we go, come with me,
There's a world out there that we should see,
Take my hand, close your eyes,
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer,

Let's fly, fly, fly, flyy.
Up, up here we go, go. [2x]
Let's fly, fly, fly, flyy.
Up, up here we go, go. [Here we go]
Where we stop nobody knows [knows],

Baby we can stay fly like a G6,
Shop the streets of Tokyo get your fly kicks,

Girl you always on my mind,
Got my head up in the sky,
And I'm never looking down feelin' priceless, yeah,
Where we at, only few have known
Go on the next level, Super Mario
I hope this works out, Cardio,
Til' then let's fly, Geronimo.

[Chorus]
Here we go, come with me,
There's a world out there that we should see,
Take my hand, close your eyes,
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer,

Let's fly, [Yo]
Nah I never been in space before,
But I never seen a face like yours,
You make me feel like I could touch the planets,
You want the moon, girl watch me grab it,
See I never seen the stars this close,
You got me stuck off the way you glow,
I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh,

[Chorus]
Here we go, Come with me,
There's a world out there that we should see,
Take my hand, close your eyes,
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer,
Let's fly, fly, fly, flyy.
Up, up here we go, go. [2x]
Let's fly, fly, fly, flyy.
Up, up here we go, go. [2x]
Where we stop nobody knows, knows, knows.

A Cure?

Maxwell
CocoCure (alternate lyrics)
Embrya

Each part of me you rectified
Cause each part of we you compromised
Each kiss you give the other guy
Is a kiss on his lips that once was mine
Pardon me, I´m out my soul
I resonate the love that´s owed
You´ll have your way just because
You hold me down, I´ll be above

Chorus:
I found a cure for this...
(Sho´nuff)
Cococure for this...baby you got me
It´s got me plushed on some luxurious
Cococure...

I´ll marinate in my disgust
You walk away and talk that stuff
You think you feel but never touch
You think it´s hard to wait, seems tough
Oh, you stop to think, to seek control

Chorus